God Is My Victory and He Is Here

Exodus 17:8-14 (New International Version)
The Amalekites Defeated
8 The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. 9 Moses said to Joshua, "Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands."
10 So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. 11 As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. 12 When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. 13 So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.
14 Then the LORD said to Moses, "Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it"

"Your my Hand-Holder-Upper"

It was probably about two in the morning, and as I looked down at the speedometer I noticed John was only going 40 in a 55... I thought to myself, "Maybe he cares and is trying to make the drive as long as possible so we can talk, or maybe he is just a really cautious driver"... I later found out both were true, but not after the most encouraging talk I have ever had after leaving a bar...
For some time God had been burdening my heart with missions, and I finally thought I was ready, unfortunately no one else did...(something about a lack of curling irons and hair dryers, I dont know) Thankfully, John was wiling to listen and very suportive. At the time, I didnt know much about the boy honestly, but I did know that he loved Jesus and had taken risks to live for Him. So I asked him flat out, "How did you know? How did you know to go with that? Did people think you were crazy, what if they thought you couldn't do it?" He proceeded to slowly answer every one of my anticipated questions, explaining his testimony and how he had made his decision to join Intervarsity. Amazed, encouraged, and extremely tired I left that night with a mission: to makes my desires for missions come to fruition--God willing.

As new years rolled around, my burdens were ever pressing and my affection for John was ever growing...So in a bar on New Years I made these resolutions:
1. Find my place in missions
2. Kiss John
3. Loose ten pounds
4. Get a boob job
5. See snow

Its now November 15, and there are 46 days left to fulfill my New Year's Resolutions. I am sure you are probably wondering where I am at, so here's my little progress report:
1. Well get back to that in a second.
2. Six days later, He kissed me. (He sent me a text later that night saying that, "he had just kissed the prettiest girl in Murrells Inlet, and that made him kind of a big deal" Haha what a scrub. )
3. Lost ten pounds and then gained 8
4. Decided my own boobs were just fine (Thanks God)
5. No snow yet, but I have 46 days still...keep your fingers crossed for me.

So about resolution #1...I tried all year to find a mission trip that would fit my schedule, that would work around my other goals, and my plans...Until about half way through the year I stopped praying for it to happen on my time, but on God's. I know it would be really cool to say, and the next day it did! But (sorry to dissapoint) it didnt. So I went on praying and hoping and searching. Looking back the road was bumpy, and at times I felt like I was going through one hell of a desert...Thankfully though, resolution #2 was there to help me out. John and I always shared and talked bout our faith, and our struggles. He was there for me at times when I felt like God wasnt, when I was frustrated, and when I needed direction...He was there to remind me God will ALWAYS be here for me, that its ok to be frustrated but to trust God through the process, and that direction is something only God can give on His time--So even though I feel like I am treading through a miserable desert, God sees the big picture and He is here guiding my everystep through the process, His process.

One day while doing my devotion I read the above verse, and thought about how cool it was Moses got help from his very own Hand-Holder-Upper. I mean here he is trying to lead all the stubborn Isrealites through the desert, into battle, and to the promise land...Talk about a process. I think it took him something like 40 years. Gives new meaning to the phrase "God Speed" huh? Ha, anyway I dove a little deeper and thought more about Moses. He's a man of God, talked with Him on many occasions, got that whole ten commandment thing going for him, and here he is still needing help...In that eye-opening moment it was like God was reassuring me in my own faith and my own process (GOD SPEED!). Sometimes we need just a little more
help--we need a Hand-Holder-Upper. In that moment I had a new found perspective on my relationship with John...He was my person, my person that comes and supports, encourages, and gives that little bit of help just when we need it. John was my Hand-Holder-Upper. A couple weeks later John and I were sitting on my couch talking like we always did, and I thanked him for being my Hand-Holder Upper. He said it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to him. I knew he meant it--he was honest and his heart loved Jesus just as much as mine. We were seeking Him, and supporting each other along the way. A couple of months later we broke up.

I lost my Hand-Holder-Upper. Now, missing him, I find myself having another tear filled, yet eye-opening, moment over the same passage...Notice how it says, "so that his hands remained steady till sunset". Did you catch it? Moses needed help for just a season, not forever. It doesnt say that Aaron and Hur held up his hands forever, but just in his moment of weakness. In one of John's last emails to me he ended with, "so I guess this is me letting go of your hands so that you can take hold of Jesus"

What did I learn from this?
Truths 1-3:
1.Well, God provides. (can I get an AMEN?!) Moses, just a normal, Christ-Following guy, needed a little extra help and God provided him with Hand-Holder-Uppers.
2. With Hand-Holder-Uppers one can accomplish BIG things for the Lord. "As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning." So God provides Moses with a way of keeping his hands up, and the Isrealites win.
3. Hand-Holder-Uppers are there for when we need them. Not forever, just however long God wants them to help us. When He knows we are trying, but just need a little more support, He will give us someone to take our hand and help us along.

I find the next verse to be of utmost importance. What is it that God tells Moses to do after winning the battle, (in my words) "Ok Moses, get off the rock--your strong enough, shake out those hands, and get to writing... He knew, He knew that one day Moses would need a reminder, and that one day I would need a reminder. Truths 1-3: Yea, dont forget them...better write them down. So like Moses, I'm shaking out my hands and writing it down...God provides, I can do great things for Him through Him, and I dont always need a Hand-Holder-Upper, but I can still be thankful for the times we He gives me one.

Ironicly, the same ministry John told me about that November night is having a HUGE missions gathering called Urbana that only happens every three years, and its happening this year. Just to make things a little more crazy, the last day of the conference is December 31. Yea, I waited for God's timing, and He managed to get in it there just at the last minute. Faith and Patience...spend a year praying for them and He will give you opportunity after opportunity to practice them. I prayed. I felt the burden and I had the desire. So I said God make it happen, and He gave me a Hand-Holder-Upper as I struggled with my weakness of impatience and my worry that He wasnt going to make it happen. Then, when I was strong enough, I found my hands were free and ready to be put to use. Since then, the Missions Director at my church happened (and by happened, I mean God) to hear about Urbana the same day I presented her with the idea of the church sponsoring me for the trip. How did she hear about it? Through Cody Watson, a missionary my church supports who got his start and heard his calling at Urbana. Yes, I know. God is Good.

p.s. Still praying for snow...



Desert Song by Hillsong United:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoiceI will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my lifeIn every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow