What God showed me over a Panera Salad...

Its a beautiful saturday afternoon, and on any other fall saturday I would be watching a Clemson football game, but not today...I dont need any more reminders of life's dissapointments.
Today has been bad, and by bad, I'm not talking about just any typical bad day, but one of those "pass me the chocolate, make a couple purchases, and cry till your mascaras all gone" kind of bad days. Yea. One of those...So after a brief shopping spree, I find myself shuffling around the lettus of my Panera salad and wondering why they offer a 200 calorie salad with a 1000 calorie bread option as a side...my thought process is suddenly interrupted by the couple that has now made their way to the outside dining area of Panera's patio, clammering and discussing their purchases and weekend plans. Now well aware of how pathetic I probably look by dining alone, and at the risk of seeming even more lame, I shuffled through my bags and found the book I had purchased earlier: What's A Girl To Do? by Janet Folger. Ok, Now I know this is the point where you are probably going to be tempted to stop reading, but wait, I promise its not at corny as the title would lead one to believe. Honestly, the book was an impulse purchase. (Imagine that? Me making an impulse purchase...) Anway, this proved to be one of the best impulse purchases I've ever made. After reading through just the first five pages, I had completly lost all interest in my salad and was failing miserably in my attept to catch the tears that were now streaming down my cheeks. Embarrassing...I know. All attempts to preserve my dignity were now futile, and so ignoring my pride and the chatty couple, I embraced the moment and let the author's insightful words lead me to discover what God was trying to teach me:
I'm engaged in a full on battle, and its love and war, and as we all know--in this battle everything goes and none of it seems fair. Even more disturbing, this battle of love and war, it's not with just any person, and it's not just over any situation. Its between me and Satan, and its a raging battle over my joy, and the peace and love God is desperately trying to give me. *Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms*
We're always at war, but in this moment, after this life dissapointment, I feel like a walking target in the middle of a barren field with no protection or means of refuting the one who comes to conquer me. I've been praying with the greatest urgency for God to not test me, to take me from this pain, and to swoop down and kick Satan's butt. I can't do this alone. Its now, in this moment of absolute brokeness that I realize something I thought I always knew--God's not asking me to do this alone. He's here for me, He's on my side. *Hebrews 13:5 Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you* Im not fighting this battle alone, and God's heart is breaking along with mine. But if this is what it takes, if this is (and there really is no "ifs", I am sure of it) a means by which I can grow closer to God and learn to fully rely on him, then He's not going to "save" me from situation. Instead, He's going to walk through this valley with me, every step of the way. This valley, this spiritual warfare I am enduring, its nothing more than Satan trying to use my moments of weakness to fill all of those crazy girl thoughts that are continually occupying my consciousness with the lies he wants me to believe. Lies, convincing as they may be, that I know God would never want for me. Im not saying that God's always going to make everything better, and make every situation ideal. Infact, He cautions us that as followers of Christ, it might just very well be the opposite, but (and this is a BIG and important but) He promises us that He will be with us through it all, giving us a peace that only he can give. *Phillipians 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.* Satan is trying to steal my joy, and admittingly he was doing a pretty good job. Thankfully, I serve, love, and am desperate for a God who has already won every battle I will ever have to face and He can provided me with the means to not only endure and perservere, but to also live life the way He fully intended for me to.
*Ephesians 6:10-20 Finally be strong in the Lord (its not by our own strength but by His) and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God (not just some of it, but put on the FULL armor. We are going to need it!) so that you can take your stand (the devil is targeting us personally and we are called to take a stand against him. Through this struggle God is refining us to be who He wants us to be in Him.) against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor (here it is again, must be important. We NEED the FULL armor.) of God, so that when the day of evil comes (God know's its coming, he preparing us.) you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand (Lord knows, its not going to be easy. Its going to take everything we have in Him. In our weakness He is strong, but how? Well He tells us...) Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes with the gospel of peace (ooh how I want this). In addition to all of this, take up the shield of faith, (Have faith and know that God is with you!) with which you can extinquish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salation and the sword of Spirit, which is the word of God (which is why it is soo important to spend time in God's word). And pray in the Spirit on all occassions with all kinds of prayers and requests (Even if it seems silly-cough cough school work... When you love someone, what matters to them matters to you. In the same way, God loves us in a way we can never understand and he cares for what we care for and when He hurts when we do). With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. (Lift up your brothers and sisters in Christ, chances are they are struggling to, and like you, they too need all the prayer they can get.)
Now with this, I'm not saying there is a instant fix. Instead, I'm saying its more of a process. Oh, the things the Lord has shown me about this and oh, how He has used people in my life to solidify this truth. Its a process of living in Christ and using the strengths he has given us. Its also a process of embracing our weaknesses and seeing them as blessings, because it is through our weakness that God is able to reveal Himself and His strenth to us, which is the true blessing. Blessings, they come in many different shapes and sizes...in the shape of airheads and post-it-note hearts, in the size of hugs and kisses that make everything better, and in the pain that comes from the absense of those things, which can cause us to relinquish all control and take hold of Jesus.


Out of My Hands ~Matthew West
Not Shaken ~Phil Stacey
Hold My Heart ~Tenth Avenue North